Dan and Hannah Say Good-bye to Big Steve

Hannah and I lost a dear friend just before Christmas.  Big Steve passed on and left a hole in the hearts of all who knew him.  (I like the verb phrase “passed on” rather than “died.”  Died seems so final when in fact the departed live on in our hearts and our actions once they have passed on.)

Driving 10 ½ hours from our home in York, Maine to Virginia, Hannah and I arrived at 11P the night before Big Steve’s service.  Seeing his wife Amelia and two sons, Brandon and Justin, we hugged and then hugged some more.  Taking us to a friend’s house where we would spend the night, Amelia asked me to give one of the eulogies.  Whoa.  I was pleased but wondered if I could do it.  I didn’t say no , but I didn’t say yes either.  I nodded in that non-committal way of the overwhelmed.

I awoke in the middle of the night thinking of what to say.  I knew I had to write it down since I am just not one who “wings it” well.  Before dawn I awoke again, went to the kitchen and wrote a first draft; a second draft immediately followed.  I then texted Amelia that I’d be honored to give a eulogy.  Here’s what I said

Good morning.  My name is Dan Rothermel.  Steve, Rich Meyer who is here today, and I were classmates and brothers at Arizona State University.  We had come to the Wild West and banded together as friends; a friendship that grew for more than 40 years.

Steve inspired me in three ways.

First, he inspired me as my friend.  There was no one who squeezed more out of life than Steve.  He was generous and loyal.  When many of us in Arizona had no car, he would loan us his if we needed it.  Even though he barely knew us, he trusted us; he had faith in us.  

I learned about friendship from Steve Kyker.

Second, he inspired me as a father.  Steve lives on in all who met him but especially in his fabulous sons, Brandon and Justin.  Those of you who know them know them as engaging, articulate, open to adventure, and family oriented young men with a great sense of humor.  It’s safe to say that they learned from a master.  Every summer Steve and Amelia hauled their trailer to our house in Maine.  They loved Acadia National Park and Bar Harbor on the Maine coast.  Thinking of their boys, they always had Brandon and Justin bring friends.  Their vacations were family celebrations.

Steve, Amelia, Brandon, Justin

Finally, he inspired me as a husband.  With his Amelia, he was thoughtful, kind, caring, loving, and playful.  I remember when Steve planned a 50^th birthday party for Amelia.  Unbeknownst to her, Steve brought my wife Hannah and me and a few other distant friends to surprise her.  As Amelia interacted with her family and local friends, we hid in a small room.  On Steve’s cue, we jumped out and yelled “Surprise!”  Amelia, being Amelia, shrieked with joy and embraced us.  She was so happy.  And yet, her happiness only equaled Steve’s joy in making Amelia, the woman of his dreams, feel so happy and so loved.

Steve inspires me to be bolder, more adventurous, more trusting, and just more playful.  The world is a better place and I am a better person for having known Steve Kyker.

Big Steve

The family was grateful and I was blessed for having the opportunity to say a few words.

A few of observations

1. I like how the Catholics said good-bye at this funeral mass.  At this church, there’s joyous music, a homily revealing the loving, good-hearted and humorous side of Big Steve; we had sufficient time to reflect and give thanks for his life.
2. I was honored to be selected as a pallbearer.
3. The graveside service was touching and a meaningful good-bye.
4. Church ladies are the best.  The home-style luncheon afterward brought us together as an extended family.  At their best, churches are the modern day villages that comfort us as a community when we experience a loss

May you rest in peace, Big Steve.

Big  and Amelia watching Brandon and Justin in kayaks